Next Time

Aviana Irrer

As a dark cobalt sky unfolds before me  

spotless. I’m left alone, ‘lest for the chill frosts 

slender fingers bring, offering false solace.  

Under this late October sky, I 

know I’m being watched as towering ink-dipped spruces 

dance across my wristwatch. To quell the growing  

discord, gathering shakily within my bones,  

I think to myself sternly that 

I should hurry back on home. 

Walking through this dark cobalt sky, I  

feel fear melt into fury. ‘Cuz if it weren’t for all 

that cider I drank, then my memory 

wouldn’t be so fucking blurry. 

Stumbling over my own justifications,  

I begin to question why.  

Why didn’t I choose a warmer dress?  

                          Or better shoes? Or better yet,  

                                         Why did I even choose to come at all?… 

                                                                                                                      … 

Well Mindy said

He was going, and she

had that vintage shawl… 

But why did I not trust myself? Why  

answer His inconsistent call of lust? What  

good did fleeting pleasures ever bring, at least when involving long term things? 

I’m usually better at avoiding these damn abettors,  

so where did I go wrong? 

No use now to wonder what could have been, 

or should have been, or what went wrong. What I should  

be concerned with is this air  

of intimidation so thick  

My heart beats on, echoing 

through my body and  

eventually out of view.  

This dark cobalt sky is not something I am 

safe with, so next time I’ll take that ride – without any hesitation.