Real Things Men on Tinder Have Told Me Behind the Protection of Their Computer Screens that Made Me Feel Cheap

Amber Salik

Good morning, lovely 

It’s nice to meet you 

We matched so I had to say hi because cute girls like you are few 

and far between 

Thank God, I was wondering when I’d see a beautiful girl 

You have a gorgeous smile 

How’s your weekend going? 

You wanna eat cookie dough together sometime? 

I would love to take you home baby 

Lemme get your number. 

I like you 

If you were a triangle, you’d definitely be a cute one! 

You’re pretty cute for a black chick. 

Are you Jamaican? Because you’re Jamaican me horny. 

Your mother must have been a beaver 

Because DAMMMM girl 

You know, I’ve never been with a black girl before 

Tell me about yourself. Hopefully you’re as interesting as your 


We should get to know each other. It only makes sense right? 

Hey beautiful, 

You know what goes really good with a marshmallow? 

Chocolate–you look like a Nestlé girl. How much do you love nuts? 

Or look, are you a pizza box? 

Because I can’t wait to get your top off! 

Sorry, I’m not good with chat up lines. 

Hey wait, 

R u gonna answer me or what?

I’ve been messaging you I just want to talk–promise

It would be an honor to get to know you

Guess no lunchtime playtime for me today

Can I call you caramel? I love a lil caramel in the morning

Or are you more of a moca? Give me diabetis

Do you like gettin’ eaten out?

What can I do to make you snap me tonight?

I’ll literally make a fool out of myself.

I want to see you.

Show me dem titz 

And then if you sit on my face

I’ll eat my way to your heart

I don’t know you, but I’ve never felt this way before

You seem different than the rest

Can we go out sometime please?

If you were a fruit, you’d be a fineapple

You trynna fuck tonight?

Because I can make you pornstar famous 

Looks like we both did the RIGHT thing when we swiped

I’m tired of the games being single

I’m just a nice guy looking for a mean girl to corrupt me

I love having a beautiful woman around to try on.

Come cuddle babe 

Let’s get drunk and make out

We should definitely meet up sometime.